Physics, Freedom and Fairy Tales

Our Cat named Dogg :)

Looking in the mirror the reflection is not just me anymore, and the mirror is not one that hangs on a wall for there’s no wall large enough to fit the mirror that illuminates the beauty in the reminders that no longer haunt me when I look at the image shining back at me. For this is the reflection that I’ve never yet seen until now, and it makes me think with wonder…how I have always been created to be this way and even though I have never seen myself this way until now, my creator, the one who made me, has never seen me as anything else than the perfection within His own reflection. For I was created just like Him and He is the one who made me like this!

 

I’ve looked in every mirror as far back as I can remember, always wondering when I would become the me I always dreamed was possible to be. But as far back as I can remember, every moment felt like it took forever. I never even knew that when your dreams are bigger than you are, that you were never created to do it alone … 

 

And as a little girl even though “grownups” told me that fairy tales don’t really come true, I never gave up believing, striving, passionately pursuing, studying, and overcoming every obstacle and opposition of those who tried to convince me that I need to stop living in a fantasy world and come back to reality. 

 

What amazes me is how perception alters reality, and most of the time all the facts just become co-mingled with in the feelings and strangling grip of guilt and shame. And in order to face the world, and ourselves hiding behind the curtain that we call “another day” that self justification taking place within us in order to subdue the emotional agony that imprisons every fiber of our being. 

 

Incapacitated yet whirling deep within the emotional and dizzying spiral into the abyss of hopelessness with every moment that goes by that we choose to stand behind the curtain rather than just step out into the brilliant lights and walk out onto the big breathtaking stage. 

 

It is our survival instinct that kicks in. The fight, flight or total paralyzation like a deer caught in headlights that resorts to primal habit which is accursed from the infinite generations that have preceded us. From our beginning, to be still for even a moment, was certain death, and to be the one responsible for masterminding the “trouble” was even worse. Unsung heroes and misfits just trying to find a way to get to the age where we are finally old enough to take the plunge…the freedom to really call our own shots…take the dare, the one that your heart can hear in the warm summer breeze as it whispers to you that anything is possible! 

 

Within the unexpected there lies the myriad of variables too numerous to have backup and exit plans established so that if we leap and land funny, that we don’t as they say in the industry, “Break a leg”…we’re not blindsided and left open and totally defenseless in a moment where we feel we’re going to die; 

 

Overwhelmed by pain that overloads the motherboard of our human circuitry, we are rendered frozen all over again by the reminder of what feels overwhelmingly more like the agony of traumatic defeat and not just some sort of rejection or question related to personal qualification. 

 

When everything comes to a screeching halt regardless of whether it’s an emotion or physiological sensory malfunction, our brain interprets what has just happened as a life and death situation… And to be perfectly honest, it is! 

 

Because it is within that moment, and what you choose in the next moments that follow that are crucial to the outcome. It may feel like a death is taking place throughout your entire being but there is nothing that you can’t do if you believe that you can, and nothing you can do if you believe that you can’t. Never forget that for it has the power to remind you of exactly how powerful the Master Jehovah, Lord Almighty actually created you to be in every moment including this one right now…not someday! Our internal torment seems to be more related to our deepest knowing that we were created for such a time as this ..right now and instead we look at what we see, and then rationalize and explain away why we have to wait until we all get to "heaven."

 

You see, each moment that I spent just going through the motions, meant that I was totally on autopilot. I found that the more on autopilot I was, the more fear and anxiety I had. Fear became the awareness that I was thinking too much and doing too little. Each moment of my life it didn’t matter how hard I worked, how much I knew, or how perfectly I tried to do everything I was told to do. I found that I could never meet anyone’s expectations because I was covertly furious that I had absolutely no idea how to meet my own. 

 

For what seems like forever, this way of thinking and struggling only resulted in immeasurable pain, loss, and the self imposed judgments that never seem to quiet and make everything open to critique. Ultimately the judgment which is always built upon the foundation of doubt and unbelief does have its own “belief systems.”…and if we believe that someone is an idiot or incompetent they have become human weapons of mass annihilation as unbelief will always attempt to shatter the impenetrable power that is only found in unity!

 

The greatest unity is that of wholeness, you in balance with yourself. Once you know who you are and who you were created to be, and become friends with all of the parts of yourself that once seemed better to keep hidden, there is only light and the light of love beaming brilliantly within you, through you, and illuminating the path upon which you stand. The darkness becomes a welcomed ally because it is in accepting the polarity of darkness that the reflection, the clarity, and the breathtaking contrast are made possible!

 

Learning to love all of the pieces of yourself and accepting that you are who you are right now, good and bad, happy and sad, up and down...I have been taught that life is not complete until we accept that it is not " either/or" but life is all about being, "both/and." In the either/ or scenario it is all about having to separate and choose one or the other. When the truth is that by accepting both halves of the whole, the whole is restored and brought to life in a new way that wouldn't be otherwise possible.  

 

When I was trying to be all good and get rid of all of the "bad" things I didn't like about myself, I was still exhausting myself by trying to get rid of something that made  it possible for me to choose to become everything I am now. I am thankful for all of the things that I used to despise about myself and wished that I could forget. Life becomes magical within self acceptance. How can we say we believe we are accepted before the Lord, if we are completely unwilling to accept ourselves? 

 

I have discovered the power and freedom that comes to really experience the fullness of life because I see now just how important it is that I chose all that I have before. Until one knows sorrow there can be no realization of joy. Until you know one you cannot understand the experience of the other. Just as in Physics, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. This is that same polarity, and understanding this has been instrumental in changing everything because now that I understand the "both/and" I have finally learned how to choose, and for this I give all of my praise to the Living God, the One who made me and you!