Rewritten

I have spent my entire life hoping and praying for all of my dreams to come true. Even when they were sitting right in front of my face, I never really knew it because I was so absorbed with my idea of them that I missed the very magnificence of Heaven here on earth.

I was so consumed with being loved and living in the past unable to see beyond the memories of never being loved that I never let in the love that was given to change my life.

My heart aches to realize so many memories and years later, that I am the only reason that my life has ever been less than amazing. Even when amazing was in my arms, I didn't believe. I couldn't stop turning everything into the very same thing over and over again, though everyone was completely different from each other. I am the common denominator in the heart of all that has been lost. Remembering opens my heart to seeing that nothing is as I thought. Ever!

The things that I fought my hardest to be free from are the very things that have saved my life, and continue to bring me closer to understanding myself, and learning how to unlearn everything that I have learned throughout my life. I used to think that was impossible and sounded ridiculous but I am learning that as I dump all of the old, the things that were real always remain for they are deeply rooted and secure within the foundation that I am built upon. As for the rest, the clearing has been great and there is much that is still waiting to be discovered. I look forward to every moment as I am able to write as all has been, and continue day by day in the beauty of all that is being rewritten within my heart.

Returning Home

Here I am Lord

Once again, standing before you with arms open wide

Please restore me

O my king

For I've fallen away from you

Please reach down into my heart

Take my life and make me brand new

For I let you down

When I fell off of this course in my life

You are so faithful Mighty King

You're the ruler over everything

Take my sins and cast them as far as the east is from the west

I fall before you

And I adore you

As I lay here on my face

I know I've let you down and hurt you so

I can’t bear this anymore

Once I loved you so much

That I knew I’d die without you

Then I fell into that sinful place

In that disgrace

I thought that I’d lost you from my life

The agony and torment of living a life

Without you to hold me

Is more than I can bear

I've been a prodigal for far too long now

Daddy will you still care?

God you’re my father

The love of my life and there is no way

That I can make it another day without you

Your faithfulness amazes me

How no matter where I go or what I do

That you’re still right here loving me and waiting

Ever so patiently for me to open my eyes

And

See you with my heart

It feels to me like an eternity has already passed

Since I've seen you or felt you in my life

But that is my fault for stepping off course

And getting all messed up inside

Here comes your prodigal, dirty, scraped, torn, shattered, and scared!

Scared of the hopelessness I feel in my spirit without you inside of me

Terrified of taking one more step or another breath

Without returning home to you

It’s been far too long

And I’m afraid that I am far too gone

To ever have you love me again-

Then I remembered your faithfulness and love are unfailing

And that it wasn't your love that changed, but mine

I weep from the bottom of my soul

Missing you and needing to give you full control

Of my mind and my life

But I've forgotten just how to do that daddy

I used to pray and I lived to spend time with you

You were my life

Then I took my eyes off of you

And I sunk

Just as Peter did in the midst of the storm

But he got up, and I haven’t yet

Oh how I want to daddy!

Here is my hand

Please take hold of me

Lay me in your secret place

So I can be healed and sheltered from this storm

For you see the winds are blowing

And overtaking me

The waters are rising and drowning me

Pulling me far beneath them, and I can’t breathe!

You’re my only hope my precious Lord

And I am sorry that it has taken me so long to return

But you see I've been ashamed

Just as Adam and Eve were in your garden

Then I was afraid that you’d cast me out …
until I remembered once again

That your faithfulness and love do not change or grow weary

So it was then that I started to make my way back to you

It’s been dark within me and hard to see

Where you are is the only place that I want to be

In your presence is the only place I will ever find peace

And it’s there that I know you will restore me!

I am weary from my sins and my heart has been so tattered

The enemy kept me longer than I wanted to stay

And took me places that I never wanted to go

…Left me shattered

I can’t imagine the pain and suffering that I've caused you

You've watched carefully my every move

Waiting for me to just call on you

And

The tears that you have cried because you've missed me

Are all too much for me to even grasp-

Why didn't you just wipe me out?

You could have, but you haven’t

Which makes me believe that all of this that I've gone through

And all the pain that I've endured

Will serve a purpose and give you glory one day

I need you to come to my rescue

For I’m not strong enough to take one more step

I’m so ashamed of the things that I've done

And all of the lives that have been affected

Please forgive me my precious Heavenly Father

For choosing my own way over yours

I humbly come before you broken and ready

To be placed upon your potter’s wheel

I don’t know what that will mean right now

But I do know that I surrender to give you full control

And that whatever pain it will cause me by being on your wheel

That it couldn't compare to the pain that I've endured

Being apart from you

Lord please bandage my wounds

Use your healing salve of Love to make them clean

Wrap me up tightly and lay me next to your heart

Hold me close and let me feel the beating of your heart

Next to mine

Then hide me away in your secret place

The place where I am filled, healed, protected, loved, cleansed,

And

Made whole again

Take my heart and wash it in the precious blood of your son Jesus

Give me a new life though I am undeserving

Where my heart will be reshaped with your love

And made brand new

As if I had never fallen

Take my ashes and give me your beauty

Then mold me, shape me, and make me 

Into what you would have me to be

My hearts desire is to hear your voice and to shine with your love,

To see things through your eyes, be broken with the things that break your heart

And

To walk in the truth of your spirit

That has always been my hearts desire daddy

And I’m sorry that I fell away from you until now

But you promised to restore my life from the inside out

And I’m taking you at your word!

For you have said

No eye has seen

Nor ear has heard

All of the good things that you have in store

For those who love you

And Father I just want you to know

That more than anything else in this world,

I LOVE YOU!

I can hear it now…

I hear the music playing just for me

Here you come running out to me

And you've clothed me in a robe of your righteousness

You wrap your arms tightly around me

Weeping and laughing

Welcoming me home once again

From that journey that now you've forgiven me for taking

All of Heaven is rejoicing at my return

and it will be now as though I never left!

Authored by: Elizabeth Walker