Saturday, September 13, 2014

Rewritten

I have spent my entire life hoping and praying for all of my dreams to come true. Even when they were sitting right in front of my face, I never really knew it because I was so absorbed with my idea of them that I missed the very magnificence of Heaven here on earth.
I was so consumed with being loved and living in the past unable to see beyond the memories of never being loved that I never let in the love that was given to change my life.
My heart aches to realize so many memories and years later, that I am the only reason that my life has ever been less than amazing. Even when amazing was in my arms, I didn't believe. I couldn't stop turning everything into the very same thing over and over again, though everyone was completely different from each other. I am the common denominator in the heart of all that has been lost. Remembering opens my heart to seeing that nothing is as I thought. Ever!
The things that I fought my hardest to be free from are the very things that have saved my life, and continue to bring me closer to understanding myself, and learning how to unlearn everything that I have learned throughout my life. I used to think that was impossible and sounded ridiculous but I am learning that as I dump all of the old, the things that were real always remain for they are deeply rooted and secure within the foundation that I am built upon. As for the rest, the clearing has been great and there is much that is still waiting to be discovered. I look forward to every moment as I am able to write as all has been, and continue day by day in the beauty of all that is being rewritten within my heart.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Returning Home

Here I am Lord
Once again, standing before you with arms open wide
Please restore me
O my king
For I've fallen away from you

Please reach down into my heart
Take my life and make me brand new
For I let you down
When I fell off of this course in my life

You are so faithful Mighty King
You're the ruler over everything
Take my sins and cast them as far as the east is from the west

I fall before you
And I adore you
As I lay here on my face
I know I've let you down and hurt you so
I can’t bear this anymore

Once I loved you so much
That I knew I’d die without you
Then I fell into that sinful place
In that disgrace
I thought that I’d lost you from my life

The agony and torment of living a life
Without you to hold me
Is more than I can bear
I've been a prodigal for far too long now
Daddy will you still care?

God you’re my father
The love of my life and there is no way
That I can make it another day without you
Your faithfulness amazes me
How no matter where I go or what I do
That you’re still right here loving me and waiting
Ever so patiently for me to open my eyes
And
See you with my heart

It feels to me like an eternity has already passed
Since I've seen you or felt you in my life
But that is my fault for stepping off course
And getting all messed up inside
Here comes your prodigal, dirty, scraped, torn, shattered, and scared!

Scared of the hopelessness I feel in my spirit without you inside of me
Terrified of taking one more step or another breath
Without returning home to you

It’s been far too long
And I’m afraid that I am far too gone
To ever have you love me again-
Then I remembered your faithfulness and love are unfailing
And that it wasn't your love that changed, but mine

I weep from the bottom of my soul
Missing you and needing to give you full control
Of my mind and my life
But I've forgotten just how to do that daddy

I used to pray and I lived to spend time with you
You were my life
Then I took my eyes off of you
And I sunk
Just as Peter did in the midst of the storm
But he got up, and I haven’t yet
Oh how I want to daddy!

Here is my hand
Please take hold of me
Lay me in your secret place
So I can be healed and sheltered from this storm

For you see the winds are blowing
And overtaking me
The waters are rising and drowning me
Pulling me far beneath them, and I can’t breathe!

You’re my only hope my precious Lord
And I am sorry that it has taken me so long to return
But you see I've been ashamed
Just as Adam and Eve were in your garden
Then I was afraid that you’d cast me out …
until I remembered once again
That your faithfulness and love do not change or grow weary
So it was then that I started to make my way back to you

It’s been dark within me and hard to see
Where you are is the only place that I want to be
In your presence is the only place I will ever find peace
And it’s there that I know you will restore me!

I am weary from my sins and my heart has been so tattered
The enemy kept me longer than I wanted to stay
And took me places that I never wanted to go
Left me shattered

I can’t imagine the pain and suffering that I've caused you
You've watched carefully my every move
Waiting for me to just call on you
And
The tears that you have cried because you've missed me
Are all too much for me to even grasp-

Why didn't you just wipe me out?
You could have, but you haven’t
Which makes me believe that all of this that I've gone through
And all the pain that I've endured
Will serve a purpose and give you glory one day

I need you to come to my rescue
For I’m not strong enough to take one more step
I’m so ashamed of the things that I've done
And all of the lives that have been affected

Please forgive me my precious Heavenly Father
For choosing my own way over yours
I humbly come before you broken and ready
To be placed upon your potter’s wheel

I don’t know what that will mean right now
But I do know that I surrender to give you full control
And that whatever pain it will cause me by being on your wheel
That it couldn't compare to the pain that I've endured
Being apart from you

Lord please bandage my wounds
Use your healing salve of Love to make them clean
Wrap me up tightly and lay me next to your heart
Hold me close and let me feel the beating of your heart
Next to mine

Then hide me away in your secret place
The place where I am filled, healed, protected, loved, cleansed,
And
Made whole again
Take my heart and wash it in the precious blood of your son Jesus

Give me a new life though I am undeserving
Where my heart will be reshaped with your love
And made brand new
As if I had never fallen

Take my ashes and give me your beauty
Then mold me, shape me, and make me 
Into what you would have me to be
My hearts desire is to hear your voice and to shine with your love,
To see things through your eyes, be broken with the things that break your heart
And
To walk in the truth of your spirit

That has always been my hearts desire daddy
And I’m sorry that I fell away from you until now
But you promised to restore my life from the inside out
And I’m taking you at your word!

For you have said
No eye has seen
Nor ear has heard
All of the good things that you have in store
For those who love you
And Father I just want you to know
That more than anything else in this world,
I LOVE YOU!

I can hear it now…
I hear the music playing just for me
Here you come running out to me
And you've clothed me in a robe of your righteousness
You wrap your arms tightly around me
Weeping and laughing
Welcoming me home once again
From that journey that now you've forgiven me for taking

All of Heaven is rejoicing at my return
and it will be now as though I never left!
Authored by: Elizabeth Walker